The Greatest Player Names in Baseball History

Baseball has been around since the 1800s, which means the stats database is sitting on a goldmine of names that would never make it past a modern HR department. I went digging. Here’s what I found.

Old-Timey Nicknames as Official Names

The early 1900s were a different era entirely. You showed up to spring training, someone called you something, and that was your name now. Forever. On your Hall of Fame plaque.

Dizzy Dean and Dizzy Trout — two different Dizzys, active at the same time, in the same league. Nobody was confused. Nobody asked questions.

Hippo Vaughn was 6’4” and 215 lbs. He earned it.

Schoolboy Rowe debuted at 19 and played 15 more years as a grown adult man still called Schoolboy. The nickname aged with him. The nickname won.

Goose Goslin, Rabbit Maranville, and Kiki Cuyler are all in the Hall of Fame. No one knows why Cuyler was Kiki. His Wikipedia page doesn’t know either.

Muddy Ruel was a catcher from 1915 to 1934. Pickles Dillhoefer was also a catcher, also from that era. There was apparently a whole thing with catchers and food-based nicknames and I respect it.

Pea Ridge Day was named after Pea Ridge, Arkansas. Noodles Hahn pitched from 1899 to 1906 and no record survives explaining the noodles.

Ping Bodie was Babe Ruth’s roommate in 1918. Ruth famously said he didn’t have a roommate — he roomed with Bodie’s suitcase. The man at the center of this classic quote was named Ping.

Snuffy Stirnweiss won the 1945 AL batting title. Bobo Newsom went 20-16 one season and also 20-16 another season. Different years. Same line. His career record was 211-222. His nickname was Bobo.

Wheezer Dell is self-explanatory.

Yogi Berra — at this point the name has been famous for so long that we’ve all stopped noticing it’s completely insane.

And then there’s Heinie. Not one Heinie. Not two. Heinie Groh, Heinie Manush, Heinie Zimmerman — there are 13 different Heinies in the database. It was apparently just a name. A common name. People named their children Heinie and everyone was fine with it.

Modern Gems

The great traditions didn’t die. They evolved.

Coco Crisp played 15 seasons in the major leagues. He was a real human person and not a breakfast cereal, despite all available evidence.

Boof Bonser was a Twins pitcher in the mid-2000s. He chose to go by Boof professionally. His legal name is John Paul Bonser. He chose Boof. Respect.

Rusty Kuntz played from 1979 to 1984. His name is Rusty Kuntz. It’s pronounced exactly how it looks. He has a career .214 batting average and a page on this website. Click the link.

Catfish Hunter was a Hall of Fame pitcher whose nickname was invented by his owner, Charlie Finley, purely for marketing purposes. His real name was Jim. The Hall of Fame plaque says Catfish Hunter. The trophy case says Catfish Hunter. History says Catfish Hunter.

Lastings Milledge was a Mets prospect in the mid-2000s. His name is Lastings, as in, a lasting legacy. Someone named their child this with full sincerity and that child went on to play in the major leagues, which is honestly a great outcome.

Nook Logan was a Nationals outfielder from 2004 to 2007. Mysterious Walker pitched in the 1910s. His first name was not a nickname. His first name was Mysterious.

Phonetic Chaos

Some names aren’t weird conceptually — they’re just a lot to say out loud.

Biff Pocoroba was a Braves catcher in the late 1970s. Say it three times fast.

Boom-Boom Beck was a pitcher named for the sound the ball made coming off opposing bats. The nickname was not a compliment. He kept it anyway.

Zip Zabel pitched from 1913 to 1915. First name Zip, last name Zabel. Both halves are the same energy. A perfectly consistent person.

Honorable Mentions

Cy Young — the most famous award in pitching is named after a man named Cy. We give out the Cy Young Award every year and nobody stops to think about that.

Zeke Bonura was a first baseman in the 1930s who led the league in fielding percentage four times without moving his feet. The name Zeke was the least remarkable thing about him.

Bud Weiser — yes, really. He pitched in 1915. He was a real person. His name was Bud Weiser. The database confirms it.

The database goes back to 1871 and contains over 13,000 players. I have not found the bottom of this. Every time I think I have, there’s another Heinie.